February 11 - Maybe There Will Be A Biathalon Accident
The Olympics started tonight. Don't expect much coverage from me- I
watched the Celtics tonight. Still, some people live for the stuff... and I
write for You as well as Me.
Admit it... you watch the Olympics for the following reasons:
--Most figure skaters are pretty, and someone decided to put them in
dresses that would shame a prostitute.
--You might get to see some goofy Austrian guy fall down the side of a mountain
--There's a chance that one of those Luges may come out of the track and decapitate a bunch of
--Those pretty figure skaters from the first reason? Sometimes, they attack each other with lead pipes.
--You can host furious debates over the sexual orientation of that figure skating guy.
Look at it this way. The hockey games have no fights. I'd rather watch The Weather Channel than what
is no doubt the antithesis of Old Time Hockey... and to be honest, hockey is probably the only sport I'll
watch with any interest.
They also don't have football. REAL football. Snowboarding is in the Olympics, as is Curling... BUT
NO FOOTBALL. I've lived in both the United States of Ass-Kicking America and Surrendering France,
and the reason France loses all those wars- and why big, bad, Germany falls to pieces once we go
Over There- is that we have Football, and they don't.
The sad part... I bet the Russians and Germans would be good at it in a generation or two if they got
into it. But just as they aren't, i could give a hoot in hell who the world's best sledder is.
America wins an event now and then, but we're not as Alpine Oriented a country. This is sort of how
Europeans restore their pride after we went in there and turned around all those World Wars and
Tour De Frances of theirs. Americans win the Kid Sports, like Snowboarding and Ski Dancing.
Snowboarding kind of snuck up on me, and it seems like more of a fad than an Olympic sport. If
whoever put Snowboarding into the Olympics were running things in 1986, we'd probably have
Ultimate Frisbee and Hacky Sack in the Olympics now.
There will also not be a lot of brothers in these here games. I'm sure we have a few somewhere- I bet
he's the one they make push everybody else at the start of the Team Bobsled race, like that s**t they
ran on my man Herschel a few Olympiads back. Still, this will be the whitest sports event since the
game before Jackie Robinson started playing for the Dodgers.
I suppose that it's a good thing if a lot of Americans now think less of the Olympics because there
aren't any black guys. Still, I suppose that black people will start picking up Alpine sports before the
Olympics are altered to provide a sport that needs a cornerback.
So anywhooo... check out the Road to Torino blog if you want to know what's up. I'll come back to this
subject if a figure skater is beaten.