May 1 - NFL Draft Recap
Let me just tell you what my Saturday consisted of. At 11:30 A.M I strolled
into the New York Jets draft party at Hard Rock Café in Times Square.
Before you ask, I will point out that I wore an Oakland A’s hat so there was
no cheating on my beloved 49ers. Between my friend Chuck and I we
knocked out 38 Miller Lites (according to the receipt we should frame).
Not too shabby. Got to meet Mark Gastineau and obtain autographs from
Jonathan Vilma and Erik Coleman amongst others. It was a good time
all around. A lot of football was discussed and much of this NFL Draft breakdown was written in my
head while listening to drunken commentary. Without further ado, here are our comments on the
“Rolling around and grabbing your stomach like Bruce on Survivor Panama after not having
dropped a deuce for twelve straight days.”
Buffalo Bills: …………Donte Whitner…..John McCargo…..really………you like Donte Whitner and
John McCargo that much…….
Cleveland Browns: To me Kamerion Wimbley is a four star member of the “Mike Mamula All-Stars”.
The only pick I liked by the Browns was Jerome Harrison in the fifth round. Harrison got some
Heisman votes at Wazzu and could work his way into the mix.
Detroit Lions: Another inept draft by the always incompetent Matt Millen. Ernie Sims is no All-Star.
Never during a Florida State game did I say, “Wow…Ernie Sims is just dominating out there.”
St. Louis Rams: Two tight ends in the first three rounds? Tye Hill with the 15th pick?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Outside of Maurice Stovall this was a terrible draft.
“Only three beers left in the fridge and it’s snowing outside.”
Miami Dolphins: Very so-so draft. Didn’t like the Jason Allen pick in the first round but I loved the
Derek Hagan selection in the third.
Minnesota Vikings: Drafting Chad Greenway is the only thing that separates this draft from being a
San Diego Chargers: A very iffy day for the San Diego “Super” Chargers. I liked the Marcus McNeill
pick but Antonio Cromartie was a reach.
“Her name was Jillian………god I wish I had that moment back. I know I could have scored.”
Oakland Raiders: How did you pass on Matty Leinart……..especially when you’re starting
quarterback is Aaron Brooks.
Houston Texans: Ten years from now when Mario Williams is switching teams and Reggie Bush is
a better version of Gale Sayers, Houston should remember this quote. It may not be Bowie over
Jordan but it is at least Olajuwon over Jordan.
I will say that I think the Texans did very well with the rest of their picks. I loved the calls on DeMeco
Ryans and Eric Winston. Both of them will play a lot of years in the NFL.
Tennessee Titans: I never like it when an owner overrules the coaching staff, which is what
happened with the pick of Vince Young over Matt Leinart. That being said, the Titans have to be
thrilled to walk out of this draft with two surefire starters in Young and LenDale White.
San Francisco 49ers: If Vernon Davis becomes Antonio Gates then the 49ers
draft was a good one. I’m still wondering if my 49ers wouldn’t have been better
served by grabbing Michael Huff at #6 and Marcedes Lewis at #22.
Kansas City Chiefs: I liked this draft. Tamba Hali adds some toughness to the
D-Line and Brodie Croyle is a gutsy, Kenny Stabler-type at quarterback.
Cincinnati Bengals: How can you knock a team that drafted a guy named
Seattle Seahawks: This is the team that should have drafted Jimmy Williams. I
can’t fathom how they came to the conclusion that Kelly Jennings will be a better NFL football player
“I walked up this here slot machine, put 25 cents in it and it just started spitting out money like
there was no tomorrow.”
New Orleans Saints: First Chris Paul falls into the laps of the New Orleans Hornets and now Reggie
Bush falls into the laps of the New Orleans Saints. The sports gods are trying their best to help out a
city trying to rebuild itself.
Green Bay Packers: Ten years from now people may look back on this draft and say A.J. Hawk was
the best player in it. Keep an eye on Abdul Hodge as well. He was an extremely productive
linebacker at Iowa.
Arizona Cardinals: Matt Leinart may have fallen to tenth but he fell into an incredible situation. He
should make sweet music with Larry Fitzgerald for the next twelve years.
New York Jets: I loved their draft. D’Brickashaw Ferguson and Nick Mangold will be cornerstones
on the offensive line for years to come. Their third round pick, Anthony Schlegel is a big-time player. I
loved him at both Air Force and The Ohio State University. He got overshadowed a bit by A.J. Hawk
and Bobby Carpenter, but Schlegel can make plays at linebacker.
Baltimore Ravens: Haloti Ngata was an absolute steal. He will make Ray Lewis better as Ngata will
occupy two blockers.
Philadelphia Eagles: How was Winston Justice still on the board at #39? Justice will be an eight-
time Pro Bowler before his career is over. Grabbing Jeremy Bloom in the fifth round wasn’t a bad call
as well. Always good to draft somebody who is dating a hottie like Cameran from “Real World San
Diego”. At the very least, Cameran is an upgrade to the Philly wives and girlfriends section at the
Atlanta Falcons: The John Abraham trade shot them right back to contender status in the NFC.
However, getting Jimmy Williams with the 37th pick in the draft was an absolute steal. There weren’t
fifteen better college football players than Williams. Who cares if he has some character problems?
If I was a GM and Jimmy Williams was taking bong hits in my predraft interview with him………I still
wouldn’t have passed on him after the twentieth pick.
Dallas Cowboys: I hate to say it but the Boys had a big draft. They walked out of this shindig with
Bobby Carpenter, Anthony Fasano, and Skyler Green. All three guys were big-time players at big-time
Jacksonville Jaguars: I loved both the Marcedes Lewis and Maurice Drew picks. I also love the fact
their NFL scouts spent all their time on a beach in Santa Monica and still came away looking like
New York Giants: The Giants got two players in Mathias Kiwanuka and Sinorice Moss that can make
an immediate impact. Kiwanuka could really turn out to be a steal as he was dominant on the
“Just closed the bar tab and now you’re bringing home your new friend Stacy.”
Denver Broncos: The Broncos are a team that will contend for the Super Bowl next year and they took
a big step in trying to put themselves over the top. I absolutely loved the Javon Walker trade. The
Broncos also get big points for moving up and grabbing their quarterback of the future as well in Jay
Indianapolis Colts: There’s a 27.5% chance that Joseph Addai has a
better season this year than Edgerrin James. Just trust me on this one.
Carolina Panthers: The Panthers took two big steps towards reclaiming
the NFC title in this draft. DeAngelo Williams will step right in and form a
solid 1-2 punch with DeShaun Foster. In the second round they nabbed
Richard Marshall out of Fresno State. Marshall may have been the most
underrated football player in the country last year.
New England Patriots: I hate them for being so smart. For the Patriots to walk out of this draft with
Laurence Maroney, Chad Jackson and David Thomas is just obscene. New England is definitely the
kid in high school who showed up with the big graphing calculator and finished the Pre-Calc in final
in 23 minutes.
Pittsburgh Steelers: I cannot believe the Steelers walked out of this draft with Santonio Holmes.
If you have any questions or comments feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.